Are you a slave or a submissive? Are you a bottom or a masochist? Are you a combination of any of those? Do you even know what all of those terms mean?
Everyday I have boys who contact Me, proclaiming to be slaves. However, after a few minutes conversation (if that), it becomes rather apparent that they are not slave material. Sometimes they are submissives. Sometimes they are really bottoms. Either way, they are boys who are confused about some important BDSM terminology.
A bottom: someone who enjoys being on the receiving end of kinky activities, but is not submissive. They do not serve outside of a scene. Now, don’t get being a bottom confused with being a masochist. They don’t necessarily go hand in hand like that. Just like enjoying Turkish food doesn’t make you Turkish, being a bottom doesn’t mean you’re a masochist.
A submissive: someone who enjoys submitting and serving a Dominant, and they may or may not enjoy bottoming to that Dominant. Submissives serve within the context of a scene as well as outside.
A slave: someone who desires to dedicate their entire existence to serving someone else. Slaves typically enjoy (or even need) the feeling of being owned, possibly treated as property. The main drive of a slave tends to be the desire to belong to and live to serve someone else (for whatever reason). A slave may or may not enjoy bottoming, however this is irrelevant as slaves have no rights, except what is afforded to them by their Dominant. Not many people will ever be able to reach this level of submission. For this reason, I truly believe good slaves are born, not made.
A masochist: someone who derives sexual pleasure from receiving pain. Can be a bottom, submissive, or slave (or a dominant, among other things, but I’m keeping all of My examples relevant to this blog).
Do you enjoy being on the receiving end of kinky play, but you’ve been told you aren’t very submissive (if at all)? You might be a bottom. Do you love receiving pain play, but have no desire to submit to someone? Then you might be a masochist. Do you see yourself being at someone’s beck and call, and possibly getting kinky play also? You’re more than likely submissive. Do you feel a deep internal emptiness or disconnect when you are not owned by or serving someone? You are probably a slave.
The bottom and the masochist will be those who have more interest in the actual play that takes place during a scene, but may or may not have any interest in whether or not the person facilitating that play (Dom/me, Top etc) is being served or catered to outside of a scene. Basically, bottoms and masochists are a wee bit selfish in that regard. Bottoms will have more control over a scene than a submissive, as a bottom does not have rules & assigned protocols from a Dominant they way a submissive might. That is perfectly ok in these instances as the play partner of a bottom or masochist (top or sadist, respectively) will probably have little to no interest in assigning rules and protocols.
Submissives and slaves tend to be pleasers. They desire to please their Dom/me, Owner etc and enhance their life. It is this desire to serve that drives the submissive and slave. Subs and slaves understand that pleasure (for pleasure’s sake) is earned, not simply given. Earning pleasure typically comes through service.
Service is carrying out personal tasks for your Dominant. The exact service you provide will depend on the situation and the desires of the Dominant, but service (although it can be) isn’t always be “sexy” or “fun”. Service is service, not playtime.
Example: Buying your Goddess a pair of sexy stiletto heels because you have a massive heel fetish and you hope she wear those shoes the next time you see her.
Unless your Goddess has a shoe/heel fetish, that’s not service. Why? Because you have the heel fetish and you’re buying the shoes, hoping that she wears them when you see her next. Your excitement is coming from the idea of her wearing the shoes, not whether or not you made her happy.
Yes, she gets a pair of shoes out of the arrangement, but in reality, have you really done anything to enhance her life? No, you haven’t. But you have done something to enhance YOURS….and your erection.
Example: You do your Goddess’ laundry and you clean her home for her.
That’s service! You have done something to benefit her. You have taken care of chores that she more than likely does not enjoy AND you have given her (highly valuable) free time to do other things that she wants or needs to do. To the untrained eye of the average person, you have gained nothing (it is not your laundry being done and it is not your home being cleaned), and in fact, you have lost some time to yourself and maybe even earned a backache in the process.
So where’s the positive?
YOUR GODDESS IS HAPPY! And by proxy, that means YOU should be happy. Unless you’re a service submissive who thrives on chores and the like, you won’t get happiness through doing the chores themselves. Instead, your happiness should be derived directly from your Goddess being happy with your service.
Providing good service even earns boys rewards.
And isn’t that what all boys want? Rewards?
In the second example, notice how YOUR (the sub/slave) desires were not a factor? Notice how they played ZERO role in that situation? That is service provided with pure intention of pleasing/benefiting the Dominant, which is what good subs/slaves should be doing….service before self.
Service before self.
I want boys serving Me who believe in service before self, and who are ready and willing to live up to that creed.